


Hearts’ Beat Refrain

by Miss_Macabre_Grey



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: KH3 spoilers, M/M, References to Sharknado, Roxas Exaggerates how much he dislikes Riku, but does not Actually like Riku
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-10
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23573884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Macabre_Grey/pseuds/Miss_Macabre_Grey
Summary: Roxas is fully Roxas, not Sora, with the ability to love without any means to understanding what to do when he loves someone.Understanding or not, Roxas has a heart to guide him on what to do, and finally he’ll try and listen to it.
Relationships: Axel/Roxas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	Hearts’ Beat Refrain

**Author's Note:**

> I’m trying to upload this while Face My Fears plays in the bg, and it’s hard to focus on what to say as I’m trying to not sing along or type the lyrics like a fool.
> 
> I genuinely hope you like this. Some of my I favorite headcanons on what being a Nobody vs human meant comes up briefly, and I’m happy to share those ideas even if my presentation is a little silly and cute.

On a fundamental level, Roxas truly believed himself to be his own person. His own heart, feelings, ambitions, dreams, everything. Roxas never truly needed anyone else to be complete.

Even so, Roxas wished he could ask Sora what having a heart meant, what emotions meant. Never once did Roxas truly hate _Sora_ , maybe the situation and fate, but not Sora. Sora brought so much joy, could feel joy, could feel everything all at once. Roxas, living in his heart for even the briefest periods, gave him some insight about what being truly _allowed_ to feel meant for someone with a heart. Without someone else taking lead, Roxas had to take charge with his own feelings and the ones Sora left him with. Roxas faced dealing with Sora’s residue frustrations with no method to vent them out.

Roxas wondered if he could cope better with his emotions had Sora never taught him what romantic love meant. Learning any emotion from Sora weirded Roxas out, but Sora loved _Riku_ , and Roxas did not need for that to be his reference point. Every instinct says he should be condescending and a little bit aggressive around Riku. But no. The part of Roxas who is Roxas still adapted from Sora’s unyielding love for Riku. If Sora were there, things would be easy. Roxas could just scream at Sora to confess his to Riku, and Roxas could let them run off together at the beach. Out of sight and out of mind enough to give Roxas’ heart closure. Maybe he could even ask Sora what going on dates felt like an express himself. No point in hoping for that situation without Sora around. Roxas needed to focus on his own love that came from _Roxas_ as his time away from Sora. 

Knowing Riku, from Sora, meant that Roxas understood on a fundamental level what romantic love was. He wished he could say it was leftover feelings, some tingles in his heart that he did not put there. He could scoff away his feelings for Riku as a mere inconvenience because Roxas who had always been Roxas knew he hated Riku. The Roxas who started as Sora could be brushed away because those feelings were only a _guideline_ on how to feel. A framework to inform Roxas the signs of genuine romantic feelings. And Roxas had all the signs appearing for someone who definitely was not Riku, which could only mean Roxas accidentally fell for someone on his own. 

Roxas’ feelings were his alone. On one hand, Roxas appreciated knowing he could feel attraction like that on his own, on the other hand, it petrified and consumed him. Sora clearly had no negative feelings toward his “crush,” but neither did he feel anything more than mere camaraderie. . . So if Roxas felt so strongly, then those feelings were all his own fault. 

Even knowing what he was feeling from the guidelines Sora left behind, Roxas had no idea what to _do_ with the feeling. Guidelines helped when he could envision himself following them, and Roxas could not envision himself in Sora’s shoes like that with Riku. He felt like a fool falling in love with someone nearly the moment he got a heart to feel things when he clearly could not handle having so much sensation all at once. Yet his heart demanded it, and Roxas gave in and accepted it as love regardless of knowing what to do after.

Roxas felt helpless, sometimes. A slave to his heart. Sora had way more experience with feeling and emotions, and Roxas desperately sought his advice. No matter how direct and simple Sora’s advice was, Roxas welcomed exactly that breed of conversation. Talking to Ventus or Xion, who also shared Sora’s heart, failed. Both were too pensive and would try to ask deeper questions, probing. Roxas wanted to divulge as little information for the most advice possible. That, and, unfortunately, they shared Sora’s heart because all three of them struggled with emotions and feeling freely. 

Blame it on Sora being too ready to give his heart to someone, and Roxas being inside that heart, but Roxas experienced vicariously several types of love instantaneously. Roxas understood how Sora loved everyone, always in different ways that made people in subconsciously different friend zones like Aqua or Donald or Hayner never getting the same reaction from him.

Roxas loved people almost as easily as Sora. Any time Roxas met someone new, a small part of him imagined becoming their friend, even a passing friend. Sora would be the type to announce his feelings where Roxas felt content to keep things casually pleasant. In truth, that came from not knowing how to be bold. Regardless of his lack of openness, Roxas still _felt_.

Roxas felt.

So much. 

At any instance Roxas’ heart could explode. Having a heart to maintain sucked. It beat and thumped and pumped and just totally exhausted Roxas. Being his own person would be his own downfall, and he wondered if he could sneak into someone else’s heart again. If he begged, Xion would probably let him reside in her.

Scratch that. If Xion agreed (let alone Ienzo or Even to help that happen), then she would have to deal with how Roxas felt about his crush the same way they both have leftover crushes on Riku. Roxas had to take care of his problem himself and not escape, no matter how much he liked the idea.

The worst part is that any time he had questions or needed help, he usually had someone who would take care of him. Axel had always cared. If Roxas could give his heart to Axel, then his heart would have the best care in the world. The irony of that thought crushed Roxas.

Axel left in a way Roxas had not. Axel had been Recompleted when Roxas had, to an extent, always been his own self. Wanting someone without a completed heart to take care of his own could never work. Once upon a time, though, that seemed like reality. Then Axel left. Axel became someone More than just Axel.

And who he became . . . Roxas sighed at the thought. Someone incredible. Roxas stayed the same as when he had been with the Organization, someone with a heart and personality outside of who they “used to be.” Axel left to become More, which implied that he was also More than Roxas. A more true human.

Roxas pushed that thought down. He had always been complete, always his own person. Someone who could be himself, and someone who could be More for himself.

Humanity had no ranking outside his mind. Roxas put the tiers in place with himself only _passing_ for human. He knew, exceedingly well, those thoughts had no ground since he would never call Xion or Namine anything except people, true people.

Still. 

Roxas struggled feeling like he had any rights to feel for someone who _seemed_ like More.

Sora never had to worry about this sort of thing. Roxas, even without knowing where he went or if he even existed still, envied Sora always having been free. He got to love and be loved. Totally human without limit.

A knock on his door snapped him out of his pity party. Only Xion had been home, and she told Roxas she would be working on writing all day. Roxas looked at the window and noticed he somehow let the day escape him, and figured Xion wanted him to cook them dinner. As much as Roxas hated getting up, he knew he should, and he would rather he cook than let her burn the kitchen.

More knocking, not banging, but stronger than how Xion usually announced herself. 

“I’m coming, yeah, yeah,” Roxas groaned. “Whatcha wa- Lea?”

Roxas stood, mouth slightly agape while in boxers and an undershirt, in front of an absolutely radiant Lea.

“Hey, beautiful. Didn’t check your phone?”

“Um . . . “

Lea chuckled, in a way Axel would sometimes would, but with so much more feeling and tenderness. “Don’t sweat it. Xion let me in when you hadn’t responded in awhile. Glared at me for ‘interrupting’, but it’s always great to see her, too.” Lea ruffled Roxas’ hair while passing by to sit on Roxas’ bed. “So you did you check your texts?”

“No, I was . . . busy?”

Lea raised an eyebrow at that, giving Roxas a once-over. “Seems like the right kind of busy, if you ask me.”

Roxas rolled his eyes, and the shock finally started to ebb away. “So what brings you here to interrupt my busy day?”

“Well, I wanted to surprise you with reservations to the Bistro, but I don’t think we’ll make it.” Lea shrugged and took out his phone. “Scrooge’ll be fine so long as I give him notice to open up the seat.”

Roxas hurt. Reservations seldom opened at the Bistro, and Lea had to cancel just because Roxas wallowed so much he never realized he should have been getting ready. “I’m so sorry,” Roxas said without meeting Lea’s gaze. Guilt heavy in his words.

“Hey, I mean it. Don’t sweat it. I made them on the way here at the last minute because I got a sudden opening. It’s not like you knew about this in advance,” Lea spoke with such sincerity, Roxas almost believed him. “This was just going to be a little extra surprise for when I came to see you. I shouldn’t have brought it up. You know I love cancelling plans and laying in bed.”

To emphasize his point, Lea lied back and took up all the space on Roxas’ mattress, having to bend his knees to get his long legs to fit entirely. Roxas found it equally endearing as rude. “Hey, save room for me!” Roxas huffed as he climbed onto bed, only able to fit lying on his side and pressing near Lea.

“You’ve been in bed all day, I bet. This is mine.”

“No way, it’s mine. Get off,” Roxas said while gently pushing Lea closer to the wall.

“But . . . I’m comfy,” Lea pouted as he turned on his side to face Roxas. Lea wrapped his long arms around Roxas’ waist and pressed their foreheads together. “See? We fit together fine, anyway.”

Warmth spread against Roxas’ cheeks and he shot up to sit on the bed, his back facing Lea. “Okay, lazybones, if you wanna stay there, then I’m going to get us food. You made dinner reservations, so you must be hungry.”

“What? No, really, it’s fine. I genuinely made them last minute thinking it would be a nice treat. You don’t need to make me anything. Why not just let me get takeout?”

Roxas pondered that. Roxas had resigned himself to cook when he thought Xion wanted food, but he would rather not and deal with consequent dishes. “Pizza?” Roxas asked, throwing a look over his shoulder to see if Lea was interested.

“That sounds awesome. Isa never wants pizza. And I, contrary to belief, can’t finish a box alone.”

“We’ll order pizza. I already know Xion’s usual so we don’t have to wake the beast asking her.” Roxas savaged around his nightstand and under a few papers for his phone. 6 unread messages. “You have a preference?”

“White sauce and add spinach.”

“Sure,” Roxas acknowledged as he pulled up the website. “Can I add chicken and garlic? Xion likes chicken and getting a side of cheesy bread.”

“Ooh, that sounds so good.”

Roxas noticed the smile on his face. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.” Suddenly his phone is yanked out of his hands.

“My treat. I’ll place the order.” Lea stuck his tongue out at Roxas. “Aaaaand, done!” Lea gave Roxas back his phone and Roxas could not bury his betrayal.

“What gives?! Don’t take my phone, and don’t pay for food for me!” Roxas could have cancelled the order, but if he wound up placing the exact same order from his account, the restaurant would just mark it as spam.

“I want to pay for dinner. It’s not like it’s all for you, anyway. I’d have paid for your food if we went out, but if you’re so upset you can pay for tip.”

Roxas wondered why Lea would be so adamant about paying, but knew Lea conceding to let Roxas pay tip would be the most he would budge. “Fine but . . . why are you here? You said you made dinner plans on the way, so are you going to grab dinner with me and run?”

Lea rolled his eyes, as if Roxas had somehow asked a rhetorical question. Maybe Lea really did plan just a quick meal break and escape, but Roxas had hoped . . . Well, Roxas had no business trying to monopolize Lea, so he squashed his disappointment before it bloomed.

Before replying, Lea launched himself at Roxas and squeezed him tight, rolling on his back so Roxas lay on his chest. “You think I planned to head out after food? You know me, Rox. I love relaxing after a meal and doing nothing. I came for an impromptu visit.”

“Just to see me?” Roxas asked for clarification, his tone neutral instead of hopeful. Roxas buried himself in Lea’s chest as through that would soften however Lea replied.

“To be honest . . .” that pause was not promising. “Duh.”

Roxas untensed. “You flew across worlds to hang out?” Roxas wanted to glare at Lea for stressing him but the relief was too strong to do anything more than give his friend a soft smile. Roxas scooted a bit higher on Lea’s chest so he could properly look at Lea in the eyes with his head only just barely above Lea’s. 

“Well, Xion and Namine would be a great addition, but I know not to bug her unless she comes out on her own to see me, so . . . Yeah, just you.” Lea loosened his grip on Roxas, and moved a hand so it combed through Roxas’ hair. They paused for a moment as Roxas realized their chests aligned so they could feel the thudding of each other’s heartbeats. “‘May your heart be your guiding key’ and all that. I had a feeling . . . I needed to see you. Like I needed to give you a big hug.”

Roxas smiled and sighed. “Well, our hearts are connected. Yours and mine. I. I really missed you. You could really tell?”

“Yes and no.” Lea rolled his head to the side, showing some neck and hitting Roxas in the face with some of the smaller tuffs of hair near Lea’s sideburns. “I guess so. I was pretty sharp at reading people as Axel, and I can figure even more things out when I got a heart of my own. Connected hearts find each other, right?”

Roxas focused on the beating in his chest. “They do. Or, at least, I think they always search for each other.”

Suddenly Lea sat up, arms still loosely around Roxas in a way that stabilized Roxas on his lap. “Then why do I feel like the one always trying to find you, Roxas? Am I . . . not reading your heart correctly? If you missed me, why did _I_ come to _you_?” Lea’s tone held no resentment or confusion. Lea sounded worried more than anything. Before Roxas could think of a response, think of what Lea said in general, Lea continued, “I won’t ever say no to coming to you. I want to be with you, but it’s not like you actually asked me to come over. And even if you tell me you missed me, it’s not the same as actually wanting me, and, just. How can I tell our hearts are really connected? I can’t see them, and it feels like I’m . . . chasing a wish.”

“I . . . I’m not someone you should chase, Lea. I’m just . . . me. Are you . . . doubting I have a heart?” Panic and pain set in Roxas’ gut. “I know I’m not ‘recompleted’ like you, but I’m - I have -“

Lea snapped back, the cloudiness in his gaze replaced with alertness. “That’s definitely not it! You have a heart that is so, so you. You’re you, Roxas. How you can’t see yourself worth chasing is beyond me. I think you’re incredible. I’m saying,” Lea groaned as he curled himself a little to put his head on Roxas’ chest. “that I feel your heart call out to me, but I can’t tell if I should go for it and listen to your heart - and my heart - and just -“ Lea groaned and sighed again.

Roxas took the time to wrap his arms around Lea’s head. Fingers carded through his red mane and tugged at a few strands to make Lea look back up at him. “My heart doesn’t know what’s _best_ for me, but it knows me. It knows what I really want and feel. It calls out for you because I _do_ want you, and I miss you! I want to be with you all the time, but I can’t just . . . ask you to come. I can’t make you drop your life for me.”

“Roxas, you’re the reason I’m alive. You’re what keeps me going. So what if I’m a Keyblade wielder and run off on errands. That’s just in the hopes I keep the world safe so I can keep _you_ safe. All I wanted was to hear you say, out loud, that you want me here, and not that I you ‘miss’ me. I want you to want to keep me. Otherwise I feel like I’m the one bothering you.”

“You definitely ‘bother’ me, but I want you to. It makes me happy, and you do it because you care about me. I’m sorry for not telling you before. You have my full permission to insert yourself into my life, you always have, already are.”

Lea offered Roxas a soft smile, even though it does not quite reach his eyes. “That’s a lot for you to admit. I’m happy to bother you, so long as you please reach out to me. I miss you, too, Roxas.” Lea moved a hand to cup Roxas’s face, a lip tracing Roxas’ bottom lip. Roxas felt his heart beat out of his chest as he noticed Lea no longer looked him in the eyes, instead staring at his lips.

“‘May your heart be your guiding key’ and all that, yeah?” 

Lea leaned forward to press their foreheads together and took in a long breath. “I’m always guided to . . .” Roxas closed his eyes and let their breath mesh as he pushed forward millimeters at a time.

Roxas’ phone went off. They had to scramble for it for a moment after it got tangled in a sheet, and Roxas answered the unknown number, “Uh-huh, Yeah, sorry, be right out.” Lea stood up first and headed to the door. 

“I’ll grab it, no worries,” he said as he winked at Roxas.

“Wait, get back here. I’m paying tip!” Picking up pizza always led to a panic about not making the delivery person wait too long, but Lea agreed he would pay for something! Roxas scrambled to get up, only to realize his legs fell asleep by practically kneeling on Lea’s lap. The traitorous legs collapsed right back onto the bed, giving Lea all the head start he needed to already be out the door.

Roxas sat dumbfounded on the bed as he wondered if he would really have leaned in more had his phone not gone off.

Sora would have.

Sora would have gone for it, admitted his feelings, and worn his love on his sleeve with a big grin, even if there was a chance his love was not returned. Lea told him just to say what he felt, what he wanted. Roxas may have confessed he wanted Lea, but he lacked the courage to define how he wanted Lea. 

Within the minute Lea left, Roxas already felt himself slipping to the same negative loop he had been on before. Roxas pushed those thoughts down and grabbed his phone. He really should have checked earlier. Lea had sent a text, a call, then four other texts before finally arriving.

_”Aqua gave me the day off! I’m dying to see you and grab an ice cream in Twilight Town. I’m going to beg Riku for the gummyship keys and come see you, if I can.”_

_“Riku said yes! He even gave me a reservation at the Bistro he had already booked. I guess he doesnt feel like going? Get ready by 5pm, if you can. I miss hanging out, so I wanna take you out.”_

_“I really can’t wait to see you. Pls tell me you’re free. I have a feeling you and I need a nice chill night.”_

_“Be there in like 20 minutes. I swear I’m driving safely. I’m waiting for a heartless to move out so I parked the ship to text.”_

_“Rooooooxas. Let me in. Don’t you wanna see my beautiful face?”_

Lea really spoiled Roxas. A bright grin spread over his face reading how sweet Lea was. Even though Roxas hated feeling like he ruined their night not getting ready, Lea convinced him the most important thing would be to be near each other. Anything else came secondary.

Lea walked back in with two pizza boxes and the cheese bread. Without even having to knock, Xion came out of her room. The smell of pizza could lure out even the most stubborn homebodies. “Roxas, Lea, I love you,” Xion announced after discovering her favorite toppings on the first pizza.

“Love you, too, Xi. Lemme guess, three slices, a cheese bread, then you’re back to writing in your room?”

“Nah, I’m going to watch a movie with Namine, remember?”

“Whoa, are we invited?” Lea asked, portioning out his own slices before popping one in his mouth.

“You are, but not Roxas. We already asked, and he has no interest in the classic film Sharknado.”

“It’s a shark movie! You know I hate sharks!”

“But shouldn’t you love tornados?” Lea asked, giving Roxas a look that suggested he should know what Lea was implying. Roxas did not know what Lea was implying.

Oh. Wait. Was he really making that joke? “Ugh. You’re the worst. Go, leave me, watch your horrible movie together,” Roxas rolled his eyes as he spoke.

Xion chewed on her slice as she watched Lea and Roxas. “On second thought, no boys allowed. Lea would talk the entire time.”

“It’s a movie called Sharknado. I’m pretty sure that demands ongoing commentary. It just sounds like it’s going to be the best type of bad movie.”

“It is, but you’ll talk-“ Xion cut off as she made eye contact with Roxas, “and third wheel. If Namine gets scared I want to wrap my arms around her.”

“Smooth,” Lea cooed as he patted Xion’s head and ruffled her hair.

“Don’t touch me with your pizza hands!” Which only spurred Lea on to pinching her cheeks. Which led Xion to smearing some on Lea’s face. Then came a pizza-grease wet-willie. A dirty trick, but a strong offensive attack, no less. 

Roxas ate in silent amusement.

They only quieted when both Xion and Lea had thoroughly wiped their hands clean of any oil by wiping it on each other. Xion grabbed her food in a huff. “See you later, Roxas, my only true friend. Lea,” Xion tacked on in a stoic huff looking at Lea, though her eyes contained laughter.

“Later, Xion. Lemme know when you’re done and I can treat everyone to ice cream if it’s not too late,” Lea offered as she retreated back to her room.

“It’s never too late for ice cream,” Roxas reminded. “Ever.”

“Pssh. Should have expected that sort of response from you.”

“You should have. And now that you planted the idea of ice cream in my head, we have to get some. This is on you.”

Lea rolled his eyes. “Now, normally I wouldn’t mind, but because you’re demanding it, now I don’t wanna.”

“Fine. I’ll go get some alone. Two, even, just for me. And I’ll eat them in front of you.”

“You fiend,” Lea gasped, feigning hurt with no real bite. “Then I’ll get three just for me.”

“I’ll get four.”

“I’ll get five _and_ a cherry on top.”

Roxas gasped, a little harshly, and spurred on a coughing fit on a piece of pizza crust that had not wanted to go down smoothly. “You bastard. I’m choking on that damn cherry on top.”

“Hey, everyone loves the cherry on top.”

“You’re . . . not wrong.” Roxas looked down at the unfinished pizza, and closed the box. “Wanna just chill back in my room. I’m too full for ice cream for now, let alone four bars.”

“Sure, but if given the chance, I could probably get down five bars. The cherry is when my stomach would burst.”

Lea led the way to Roxas’ room, sitting on the bed’s edge much the same as when he first came over. Roxas thought for a moment and shut the door behind himself. With the jokes paused, his heart and head had nothing else to focus on besides sitting on Lea’s lap.

“You know, I’ve seen my heart before.”

“You,” Lea looked at Roxas and tilted his head in confusion, “You have?”

“Well,” Roxas paused to think as he sat on the mattress beside Lea. “Sora saw it. And I have his memories. I saw me, holding his Kingdom Key instead of my Oathkeeper and Oblivion. I was wearing the Organization cloak, and the Nobody mark was everywhere. Funny, that you wondered if I had a heart as a Nobody despite everyone insisting I - we - didn’t,” Roxas added “we” while he turned to face the wall that separated his and Xion’s room.

“It is kinda funny. It’s a conversation I got memorized. You told me that a heart wasn’t something you could just look inside and see if it was there or not. That if we had hearts, we’d just know.” Lea rolled his eyes with a scoff. “And I sure was too dumb to know that we really did.”

Roxas squeezed one of Lea’s shoulders and shook his head. “Don’t think like that. Neither one of us could have known. I know it’s easy to feel like he was lying to us the entire time, but not even Xemnas knew we had hearts, or at least could feel over time to grow one.” Roxas slowly slipped his hand off Lea and fidgeted with his hands on his lap.

“Anyway, my heart was still new, still growing. Hell, _Riku_ was important enough to be in it. Xion has a place in it, but at the time I think she was forgotten, so her space was blank when Sora saw it. But . . . You were there. You were there right in front of the Twilight Town tower. Well, Axel, at least, with the biggest laugh on your face, so happy that it engraved into my memory. I think by now, my heart’s changed, a little, and you’re Lea in it, but I know you’re there.

“Before the interruption, you seemed to doubt if our hearts were connected. I thought you didn’t think I had a heart. But you were worried that I didn’t care about you, right? That I didn’t mean it when I said our hearts could guide us to each other?” Roxas grabbed Lea’s hand, giving a small squeeze but not daring to look up. “Is it okay if our hearts connect in . . . a new way? I want to start going to you more, too. I want more. But I’m not enough. I’m a Nobody who got a heart shoved in a body meant to replicate a person. I’m like if Axel stayed as Axel, but just a few extra emotions to frustrate me. I’m not your equal to have a heart to yours.”

“So what?” Lea squeezed Roxas’ hand back, and reached out to hold the other one as he turned slightly on the bed to face Roxas. “So you saying only Xion and Namine are ‘allowed’ to connect to you? Do you know how that sounds? I know you see them as just as real as me or Mickey or Ventus.” Lea loosened his grip but kept a soft hold on Roxas. “So what if I’m made a little differently. We’re real. And I want to connect to you, so much, if it isn’t obvious enough by me spending my every waking moment looking for you from the moment I woke up as Lea.”

“You woke up as Lea. I woke up as . . . me. It’s really hard to wrap my head around why you’d care so much, but it’s also the easiest thing to see. Sora has a few memories of you practically obsessing over me, and I . . . appreciate that you looked out for me when I wasn’t actually around. Thanks, you know? For insisting the entire time that I wasn’t just Sora, and that I as Roxas am someone worth being around, worth bringing back.”

“Well, what can I say? There’s just something special about you.” Lea waggled his brows with a smile, his face more cheery than the softness of his tone. “And for your information, once you're a Nobody, there’s no ‘right’ way to come back as human. We’re all facing different ideas of individuality. Recompleting is _weird_ , Roxas. It’s not really ‘completing’ me; it added an extra piece that wasn’t supposed to fit. Lea had a heart all on his own, then suddenly, that had to make room from Axel’s sloppily grown heart. I didn’t feel human at all for awhile; it seemed like I was just Axel with - how did you put it? - ‘extra emotions to frustrate me.’

Roxas never considered that. In the same way that Roxas as a Nobody thought Axel was More because he had memories of his past, Roxas as a person thought Lea was More because he had two pasts. Lea seemed perfect and strong and able to handle humanity because he had done it already and almost as Axel. Roxas furrowed his brows as he thought of the implications. Every word changed how Roxas understand Lea, and yet Lea sat there exactly the same as before as he waited for Roxas’ response. “So do you . . . consider yourself human?” Roxas looked down in shame. Even for what they had been through, that question felt too rude to ask.

“Oh, yeah, now I do.” Lea answered with much more surprise than offense, like he really expected a different response. “Sure, at first I was scared because it was just me waking from one long nightmare only to realize reality was just as scary, but I worked through it as I could. Thankfully everything started to realign coming together as Lea when, well,” Lea let a hand leave Roxas so he could tilt Roxas’ head up from under his chin. The gratitude in his eyes caused Roxas to catch his breath in his through, “when you came back.”

“I won’t leave again. And if I do, I trust you’ll bring me back.”

“Always. Would rather you not make me, to be honest.” Lea shifted the hand that had held Roxas’ chin up to stroke his cheek. They both started to lean forward a little more yet again. “Would rather just be with you.”

“Then be with me,” Roxas replied in a whisper that Lea could feel the breath against his lips. “Connect with me.”

Lea pushed the last millimeter it took for their lips to touch. Roxas wrapped his arms around Lea’s neck, while Lea held Roxas’ face and slipped the other hand through Roxas’ hair. The familiarity of the Lea touching him relaxed Roxas enough to focus on the newness of _kissing_ Lea. They fit together. The feeling of Lea’s lips on his, firm and pliant to Roxas’s own movement, shook Roxas’ core and turned the rest of his body into a warm putty.

They broke the kiss with Lea’s cheeks tinted pink, a look he had never seen on the always-confident man. “Was that okay?”

Any nerves Roxas might have had dissipated knowing Lea had the same nervousness. “More than okay! I-I wanted that since-since forever! Can we do it again?”

Lea laughed a little to himself before leaning in to peck Roxas’ cheek. “Of course. Yeah. It’s just kinda overwhelming for me. I’ve been wanting to kiss your pouty face for forever, and, now that you’re letting me, it seems surreal.”

“I do _not_ have a pouty face!” Lea raised one inquisitive brow at Roxas, and Roxas realized he fell for a trap. “Whatever. You should have kissed me sooner. I’ve felt this way about you since Sora taught me what love is.”

“Wait, Sora taught you about love?” confusion filled Lea’s words. “Did you have a crush on Sora?”

“What? No! Sora loves Riku, and I learned what love is through his memories of Riku.”

“Wait, okay, so when you said earlier that Riku was a part of your heart, do you mean . . .”

Roxas gasped and gaped like a fish for a few moments before he could regain his wits enough to reply a firm: “No! Never! He was in my heart because he made a big impression on me by, y’know, trying to kill me. I practically confess my love for you and _Riku_ is your takeaway?”

Lea’s cheeks stayed pink as he avoided looking at Roxas. “Well, I, you know, I wanted to make sure,” Lea trailed off a bit at the end before speaking his next words with more assurance, “I love you, too.”

Roxas’ blush must have matched Lea’s and he buried his head in Lea’s chest and let out a laugh that could almost have been mistakes for a muted scream. Once he cooled down, Roxas stared back up at Lea with a giant grin. “Wow, we’re kinda dumb, huh? I love you. I love you, Lea, so much. It’s my love to _you_ , and _from_ me, no-one else.”

“And I love you, Roxas, from me, and from Axel, if I’m being honest.”

Roxas leaned back onto his bed, and Lea followed by putting his head on Roxas’ chest. Roxas wondered if Lea could hear his heartbeat. “I wish I could see what my heart looks like now. I’m not the same person as when Sora saw me last.”

“How do you figure it may have changed if you could see it?”

“If I had to guess? I think it would be almost the same, but Lea would replace Riku. Axel will still be there, but the current you is included now, too. Hopefully the Nobody symbol would be some new symbol for whatever a human replica is. Oh, and instead of holding Sora’s Keyblade, I’ll hold sea-salt ice cream instead!”

Roxas spoke with such a genuinely speculative tone, Lea contained any laughter and commentary. “That sounds pretty cool. But if this is your way of saying you love me more, you’re wrong. If I saw my heart, I bet you’d be in it a million times.”

“You know connections of the heart don’t work like that.”

“No one knows a damn about how hearts work. They’re so weird even every scholar in Radiant Garden can’t figure it out. The only thing I know is what my own heart knows, and it loves you. You don’t need to get it memorized, either, because I’ll tell you that every chance I get.”

“My heart loves you, too,” Roxas’ chest lightened every time he confessed, and the more he said it the easier it came out; it felt as real as the two of them. “I want you to tell me you love me every chance you get, then.

“Then check your phone more, you dork! You’re going to get so many sappy good morning text messages.” Lea kissed Roxas on the cheek, quick and sweet.

“Then I’ll send you the sappiest good night messages. But for now, you’re here, and I’m not going to let you go.” Roxas pulled Lea close to kiss his lips, both of them smiling into it.

Without anyone’s help, Roxas felt he did a good enough job embracing what he felt, and loving the love he had for Lea. Roxas felt determined to show Lea his honest feelings, provided Lea continued to show his honest feelings back. No one else could bring out this feeling in Roxas, and he felt wholly human as he accepted himself as more than enough to love and be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> This was so much fun when Roxas and Lea and even Xion got to act like friendly little losers, and even the times when they got serious. If you guys had fun reading, then everything I wrote will seem so much better. I hope that I can see you later if I know what to write next and whatnot. Let me know how I did, and have a really wonderful day! ♥️
> 
> Love,  
> Grey


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